Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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