For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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