Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
