i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize