thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
