So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
