Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
last night I used snow as a chaser
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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