so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize