My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
