Where are you?
In a non slutty way
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize