Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
