the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
