I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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