I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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