how can u be prego again
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
