If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
