They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
