I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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