It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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