Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
