just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You took a bar mat shot.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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