i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
