I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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