If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
