apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
