coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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