if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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