i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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