I can't watch pbs sober anymore
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
