nut hugger
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
