he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
