What did we do last night that was yellow?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
