the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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