I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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