hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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