i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
