I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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