Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
