last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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