We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
