I cannot find my penis.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
