just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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