Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
