apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
