We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
