Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
