well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
