I'm gonna have a badass scar
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
