I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
