Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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