Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Holy shit dude........stairs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
