I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I need to align my fucking chakras
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
where are my eyebrows?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
