Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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