Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
