Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
