need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
