I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
