Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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