I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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