Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
