Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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