Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
