On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
