So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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