Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
