if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
