I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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