my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize