what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
