Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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