it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We left the knife in your bed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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