i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
