i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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