I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize