my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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