I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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