last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
