Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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