DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
