you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
