and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
