Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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