I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize