# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
