Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
