the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize