You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
