Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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