youre lurking in front of me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
